BALLOON RIDE #1

BALLOON RIDE #2

SONG FOR MY FATHER

TWINS FIRST

BUMPER STICKER-ISMS

1) (Seen on an infant's shirt): Already smarter than Bush.

2) 1/20/09: End of an Error

3) That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway

4) Let's Fix Democracy in This Country First

5). Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.

6) You Can't Be Pro-War And Pro-Life At The Same Time

7) If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President

8) Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?

9) George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight

10) We Need a New Decider and a New Vice Decider,too.

11) America: One Nation, Under Surveillance

12) They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It

13) Which God Do You Kill For?

14) Jail to the Chief

15) Who Would Jesus Torture?

16) No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade?

17) Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap

18) Bad president! No Banana.

19) We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language

20) We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them

21) Rich Man's War, Poor Man's Blood

22) Is It Vietnam Yet?

23) Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either

24) Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?

25) You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.

26) Impeach Cheney First

27) When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46

28) The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century

29) 2004: Embarrassed, 2005: Horrified, 2006:Terrified (exactly where they want us.. Terrified.. M.)

DON'T POKE THE KITTY

LOST IN TRANSLATION

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.

Short line.
Just one lady in front of me. . .an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated . . .

She asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations".

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people, too!"

OH? OOPS!!!

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in theAfghanistan desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He

asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said,"Well sir, as you

know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have

"urges". That's why we have Molly The Camel." The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone

this, but I understand about"urges", so the camel can stay. About a month later, the Captain

starts having his own "urges". Crazy withpassion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his

tent.Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pullshis pants down

and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the

men do it?" "No not really, sir.. They usually just ride the camel into town to findsome women."

NOT SO WELCOMING DOOR MAT

HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a

larger bed.So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't

want to have any more children.The vet told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy

that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive."A less costly alternative," said the doctor,

"is to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama ), light it, put it in a beer can,

then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10"The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not

be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to

my ear is going to help me.""Trust me," said the doctor.So the man went home, lit a cherry

bomb and put it in a beer can. Heheld the can up to his ear and began to

count..."1""2" 3""4""5"At this point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and

resumed counting on his other hand.This procedure also works in Mississippi and parts of

Louisiana .

CHOKIN' IN THE SOUTH

NEVER CHOKE IN THE SOUTH.

Two hillbillies walk into a Dairy Queen. While having a couple of Blizzards, they talk

privately about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, eating a Coney

dog, begins to cough. After a while, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the

hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya

breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, eyes widen and shakes her head no. The hillbilly

strolls over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly

gives her right butt cheek a long lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a

violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. She begins to breathe again. The

hillbilly ambles smugly back to his table. His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind

Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it.